you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
