It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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