Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
