so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just pynch a tree in the face
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
