Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
