I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
