he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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