i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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