Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
