What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
