She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
