She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
