I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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