If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Terrible idea I love it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
