Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
