Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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