i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
