Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
