how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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