test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
