Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
