Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
