Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
