I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
