Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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