I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
