I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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