You really coming over, don't trick.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
