I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
