And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
