so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
