tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
