I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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