this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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