I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
