I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
