She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
