I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
