Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
third nipple confirmed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
