Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
