capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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