i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
