what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
