apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
