i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
