it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
