So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
