You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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