So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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