go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
