Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
