i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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