Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
