my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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