She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
