...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
