Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
